We have all been here. Rejection. *cue dramatic music*
Though particularly relevant to the grad season, it is part of life, reinforcing your lack of belonging, your lack of self worth. There is nothing more demoralising and depressing than seeing one of these in your inbox:
"Your application has been given close consideration and was reviewed against the key criteria and the other applicants that applied. We are writing to let you know that unfortunately we will not be progressing further with your application at this time."
Is it worth being all beat up about it? I am a natural brooder, I over analyse and think about mistakes and things I've done, how could it equate to a rejection, what do they think of me? What can I do? Why did I do that? IT NEVER STOPS!
All these doubts culminate into anxiety (will I get a job?), stress and, yes, I do get depressed (after the 10th rejection). Luckily, a gent who I worked with referred me to this great book which has helped me deal with overcoming these issues which go hand in hand with the graduate recruitment season. Check it.
The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris
Now, I know what you might say, "Jeez mate, not another one of these self help money grabbing books". But hear me out. This particular technique from the book has resounded with me.
The core of the book is handling urges that get in the way of living a meaningful life. It's all about finding a balance. You can't make big, sweeping declarations that you will never have a self-defeating urge. Harris states that it's impossible (cause it most definitely is!). The principles which guide the book is ACT. So what is ACT?
A = Accept your thoughts and feelings
C = Connect with your values
T = Take effective action
Acceptance In a Nutshell
War- Always struggling to get rid of your unwanted thoughts and feelings. It can never be won and consumes time and energy. This was me right here!
Truce- Harris describes it as "Grudging Tolerance of thoughts and feelings". Better than War but it leaves you stuck and helpless. He likens it to resignation rather than acceptance.
Peace- True acceptance. Your country doesn't have to like the other country, approve of its existence, speak its language or convert to its religion. You simply make peace with them. It's the same when you truly accept your uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. You don't have to like them, approve of them, you simply make peace with them and let them be. This leaves you free to focus your energy on taking action - action that moves your life forward in a direction you value.
I will drip feed you little gems from this book but I hope you can start to see where the idea is going. Connect with your idea of acceptance. Find your peace with your feelings, know they are there, but harness your energy in taking ACTION. Good luck guys!
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